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A Reminder: Communism Sucks the Joy out of Life (and Steals your Coffee)

I don’t know about you, but I’m a simple guy. I like my coffee strong, black, and in large quantities. A nice double espresso or two will do the trick for me every time. If you’re one of those people who genuinely enjoys pumpkin spice lattes, mochas with tiny little marshmallows floating in them, ice-cold strawberry-coconut monstrosities with a dash of caffeine, or whatever other poor excuse for coffee is supposed to be in season right now, I’m not going to respect your taste. 

You know what I do like?

The United States is home to over 30,000 specialty coffee houses, where you can order coffee-based drinks to enjoy in, apparently, at least 80,000 different ways, very often 24/7, and very often with fast service. We may take them for granted unless they mess our orders up, but they’re there. 

You know what I do like?

Whole armies of marketing teams, taste-testers, and what not are hard at work designing the perfect new coffee drink just for you, along with the right, friendly, space to drink it in. Yes, they do it for their bottom line, but that bottom line comes from you — from your choice to pick that company’s coffee over anyone else’s. The customer is king, and that machinery exists, ultimately, to serve you. 

You know what I also like?

With little more than a dream, some good business sense, perhaps a loan from the bank, and of course hours of proverbially backbreaking labor that you choose to pour your heart and soul into, it’s within your reach, in America, to not just sip that ridiculously milky contraption, but to grow your very own specialty coffee house empire. 

So, coffee. If anyone still needs convincing that communism is bad, it’s easy to rattle off the cold, hard, facts, many of which come in body bags. We all know that communists would take our freedom — the freedom to decide where and how we live, work, and get educated. The freedom to pray, to choose our own doctors, to travel, and yes, to live. Within that grand-scale message, some people might lose the fact that we should also very much be grateful for the small joys of life, the everyday things we’ve come to take for granted in America. 

During the Cold War, as the US was the biggest importer of coffee in the world, as the consumer-driven coffee-choice fest that we’ve either come to love or hate was turning into a booming business, the Soviet Union went entire years without any coffee imports. Did you know that? You do now. Did you know that people in Ceausescu’s Romania were so desperate for coffee, real coffee, that they chugged down a liquid with barley, oats, and chickpeas instead? “To neigh” was the translation of the dubious drink, because stuff horses should have eaten took the place of a nice Cup of Joe. 

Do you want to drink that? Me neither. I’m an espresso kind of guy, but I’d rather take my chances with any of the thousands of coffee choices brought to you by American capitalism than to be stuck with the bitter beverage of communism. 

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